How toTransform the disappointment and lack of fulfillment in your relationship
RELATIONSHIP COACHING FOR WOMEN CRAVING DEEPER CONNECTION
Do you feel disappointed and unfulfilled in your relationship? Is it making you angry and reactive because your needs aren't being met?
Whether you feel this way occasionally or constantly, your relationship isn't failing, it's actually doing its job .
After producing and co-hosting a relationship & sexuality podcast reaching 65,000 listeners/month, I've learned there is one key factor most women are completely unaware of that lies at the root of our unhappiness and is actually the key to inspiring change and feeling fulfilled.
Think of men and women like puzzle pieces. When I see women who are disappointed in their relationship, most of the time it’s because they feel their guy isn’t doing his job well enough - "he's using the wrong piece!" But what we ladies can fail to see is that often, he’s not using the right piece because we’re not showing him the right form -and we don’t even know we’re doing it.
How do we change it?
Giving him the wrong form is a sign we have lost connection with ourselves in some way. We've silenced parts of us with shame and guilt, walled them off, criticized them, become people pleasers, co-dependent, self-sacrificers - all in the name of protection. And the frustration, anger, disappointment and reactivity we feel are signs we're trying to reintegrate. If we want a better relationship with him, we have to focus on rehabilitating the relationship we have with ourselves first to give him a chance at making the right piece for us. And then we can see where things are.
From sexual goddess to 'nag'. Can you relate?
What does that mean? It means how well are we relating to our feelings needs and boundaries. Are we silencing them? Ignoring them? Shaming them? Pushing them away because this way is somehow safer?
When disappointment and feelings of lack show up in our relationship, it's because these disappointed, neglected parts of ourselves are lacking what they need, from us. When we rebuild our relationship to these parts of ourselves, the disappointment and disconnect doesn't come out on our relationship anymore, because it doesn't need to.
I help women who feel disappointed and unfulfilled, rebuild their relationship with themselves first in order to improve their relationships with others.
'I felt like my needs were not being met, communication was impossible, and that we would not be happy until he stepped up and made some changes or went to therapy.'
An olympic level relationship was brought into my life that put everything I had learned about connection to the test.
He could not have been more opposite from my 'ideal' partner, and it challenged every expectation for fulfillment I didn't even know I had.
I felt he was too closed, too triggered, not 'evolved enough' and didn't have the tools to get where I thought we could go. To a deeper connection and to feel like he really got me.I always felt disappointed, and it reeked havoc on the relationship.
I felt lonely.
I had no desire for him and we didn’t have sex for several months at a time.
I felt like a ‘nag’ because the only thing that came out of my mouth were pokes, criticisms and control: ‘Why did you park here?
I felt unattractive and invisible.
I didn't recognize myself.
Who was this woman?
Who picked fights all the time over nothing?
Who pointed out every little thing he did wrong?
Who wasn't having sex?!
I missed feeling like me.
But I stuck with it.
Despite approaching the problems with a high degree of emotional intelligence, awareness and owning up to my fair share- or at least so I thought,
Nothing worked - that lasted, until I realized this: My feelings of lack and disappointment were not really about him at all. They were actually coming from me, as a message to me, about me. And then I had to learn to listen to them...and it was the hardest thing, by far, I've ever done.
While my defense mechanisms tried to convince me with every fiber in my being it was him,
I actually felt unseen and unheard by me.
I felt lonely because I had stopped listening to my innermost feelings and needs.
I felt unattractive because I was judging myself for the anger and chaos I felt inside and felt unworthy.
Again and again, I saw how I silenced my inner selves, controlled them, shamed them, ignored them, told them they weren't good enough or 'right', because I had learned that was the safer way to get love, attention and affection.
Subconsciously I was ready to move beyond these disempowering ways of getting my needs met, and my relationship was showing me exactly how to do that.
How We Get There
And this is when we need help.
My conscious work with relationship started when I was five years old. I have spent a lifetime in personal study, spiritual study, formal education, looking at science, psychology, ancient philosophies, hermetics, I've obtained degrees, interviewed experts for tens of thousands of people, and practiced for decades in meditation, bodywork, energy work, shadow work, and with hours upon hours of classes, healings, therapy, sexual healing and initiations.
After all this, I can tell you-
Real Love acts like a plunger, pushing out all the stuff getting in the way of connection- with yourself, and with him. But our defenses will do their damndest to protect us from the sometimes painful truth.
But I promise you, learning to work with the mirror of your relationship so you can rebuild your relationship with you first, is one of the fastest, most powerful paths to transformation, for yourself and for your relationship.
The true purpose of relationship is transformation. Yet most of us have grown up expecting it to be fulfillment. If you're experiencing disappointment, it's not because your relationship is failing, it's because it's doing it's job. But if you want to experience all your relationship has to offer, you may need to learn a new approach.
Rebuilding your relationship with yourself is no small feat. xxxxxxxxx
Let's Do It Together.
Do you feel your needs aren't being met in your significant relationship?
When you're in a significant relationship do you disappear? Lose site of yourself? Or stop doing the things you love?
Are you full of resentment, or do you feel angry all the time?
Are you both so sensitive, that a regular conversation without throwing daggers seems impossible?
Do you miss intimacy and feeling connected to your partner?
Are you lonely in your relationship?
Have you lost touch with your sensuality?
Do you feel rigid and harsh? Disconnected from your sexual appetite and un-attracted to or uninterested in your partner sexually?
Do you feel invisible to the world?
It put an end to the cycle of fighting and opened up doors to connection I didn’t know existed. I felt more peaceful, capable, loving, radiant and sexy than I ever had.
I had learned how to tap into the true power my relationship was offering.
When you approach your relationship from this angle, it will help you:
After decades of studying human connection, getting a BS in Psychology and producing and co-hosting a relationship & sexuality podcast reaching 65,000 listeners/month, it's my belief that our closest relationships are direct mirrors for how we treat ourselves on both conscious and subconscious levels. And that our unhappiness with another is actually rooted in the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves.
-Identify limiting beliefs and unrealistic expectations so you can appreciate and enjoy the relationship you have now.
-BECOME LESS REACTIVE by reconnecting with the feelings and needs of long-lost, neglected parts of yourself
-TRANSFORM YOUR NEED FOR PERFECTION so you can embrace the reality of the human experience without feeling disappointment or failure.
-DEVELOP THE ABILITY TO SEE THROUGH YOUR PROJECTIONS AND ANGER so you can understand what it is you really need and cultivate the compassion to give it to yourself.
-Reconnect with the feminine and practice ‘soft strength’ by creating and maintaining firm boundaries without going into control mode so you can feel regal, attractive and juicy in your strength instead of rigid and harsh.
-Unearth and heal feelings of unworthiness and not-enoughness that work in the background of your life so you can take up space without apologizing, from the family room to the bus to the boardroom.
-Understand what’s driving your low self-esteem so you can transform it into power.
-Reclaim and understand your libido and the deeper emotions, thoughts and states that affect your interest in your partner and learn how to navigate these so you’re the captain of your sex drive.
-Reclaim your sexual power: connect with your own flow of what you want and don’t want, transform your need to people please in the bedroom into unbridled confidence, understand the art of giving and the art of receiving, learn to communicate with your touch, enjoy sex, have better sex and have more sex.
-Learn to recognize all the ways control sneaks into your mindset, what puts you in control mode and how to get out of it so you can return to being open with others.
-Develop a deep confidence that makes you feel good in your own skin and allows you to interact authentically and anxiety-free with the world.
We will work on any or all of these areas and more that pertain specifically to you and your needs.
I'm not promising you the sun the moon and stars of a fairytale romance
The truth is, our ideal relationships are largely based on ideal partners who have 100% mastered their egos. They don't get triggered because they know what we're really trying to say and therefore don't take it personally, they know us so well they can read our subtle cues to a T so we don't even have to communicate what we need and when, they are secure in their feelings and so communicate their needs calmly and lovingly. and are therefor super human. But, we happen to be humans, living on earth, realtionshiping with other humans. What we need is a re-education of what relationship is, and its true purpose in our lives so we can reframe our expectations and get our happily-ever-after, but from a *slightly* different lens.
I'm not promising you the sun the moon and the stars of a fairytale romance.
What I can give you is a re-education of what relationship is, and its true purpose in our lives so we can reframe our expectations and even get our happily-ever-after, but from a slightly different angle.
How is this different?
While most relationship coaching focuses on improving the specific techniques you use to relate to one another, I help women redirect their focus from how the other person or the relationship is causing them disappointment, to what this disappointment is showing them about their own feelings, needs and boundaries. Are you listening to them? Silencing them? Controlling them? Judging them? This brings you to the very core of what's going on so you can rehab your relationship from the inside out because, "As within, so without."
Our goal is to sift through all the defenses and projections and find the true feelings and needs, that have most likely been hidden from even you, for decades. From this place, sitting in your heart, with your truth, is when you're ready to engage in real conversation with them. One that leads to understanding and movement rather than defense, anger and 'false commitments' where you both agree to work on this or that but nothing really changes.
Doesn't my partner need to do this with me?
Absolutely not. In fact my intention is to bring you a safe place where we can dive in to all the things you're feeling, however ugly, shameful and embarrassing, without worrying about your partner being there, or bringing up a conversation between you two you're really not ready to have. Our goal is to sift through all the defenses and projections and find the true feelings and needs, that have most likely been hidden from even you, for decades. From this place, sitting in your heart, with your truth, is when you're ready to engage in real conversation with them. One that leads to understanding and movement rather than defense, anger and 'false commitments' where you both agree to work on this or that but nothing really changes.
When I see a struggling relationship, I see a gold mine of potential.
These feelings of disappointment you're having are actually a good thing- it means the relationship is doing its job! It means you're ready to grow and your relationship woes are showing you exactly where and how to do it. You just have to develop the skillset to listen to them and process what they're showing you, which is what i do in my coaching sessions and courses.
Do I have to be in a relationship for this work?
No. But even if you don't have a partner, you ARE in a relationship! With everything around you - your work, your peers, boss, parents, family, friends, the barista, your home, even your money and your car. Everything you are in relationship with acts as a mirror and is able to show you your sore spots - if you're paying attention!
I speak to people in relationships because those are the folks who are most likely actively looking for solutions to a big thing in their life that's going wrong.
"Stephanie has a keen wisdom, deep empathy, and unique life experience that i believe makes her a perfect guide for anyone seeking to expand their self awareness and feel a sense of mastery in their own lives. I have always known Stephanie to be on the cutting edge of what is most needed right now. I attribute this to her practiced intuition and experienced one-on-one client work."
Professional Cuddler & Thought Leader on the Healing Effects of Touch in Our Culture (NBC, MTV, Refinery29)
"Stephanie helped me through a tough transition and she continues to help me regularly! She was absolutely critical to my partner and mine’s success; attentive, knowledgeable, genuine and empathetic. I didn't feel nervous or have any discomfort communicating my challenges to her. I would highly recommend Stephanie to anyone. I know I met her as a client, but she is so easy to relate to, I feel like she has become a true friend! Work with her, it will definitely be worth it! Promise!
Stephanie’s ability to illuminate my true path forward impressed me. She helped me discover some hidden fears and needs I was avoiding that were creating a lot of turmoil both in my personal and professional life. Her way of working with you gives you the ability to help yourself going forward, she teaches you to be the teacher. Stephanie develops your abilities to evaluate and see what is important by bringing out the best way for you to do things, not just the way she evaluates the situation, which makes working with her extremely empowering. I am so grateful for my time with her.
Do you feel like your needs aren’t being met in your relationship?
Are you disappointed with your partner or your dynamic and wonder if someone else might be a better fit for you?
Are you full of anger?
Are you reactive and exploding at your partner?
Are you stuck in a chain of bickering, blaming, sarcasm and micro-digs that slowly sabotage connection and compassion between you?
Are you no longer sexually interested in your partner, or sexually interested at all?
Does your partner complain you’re too controlling?
Do you feel rigid and harsh, ‘practical’ and disconnected from spontaneity and fun?
Or have you immersed yourself so much into the daily grind you don’t allow yourself time to feel or give attention to any of this? And survival, and moving forward just to hold it together have simply taken precedence?
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